40 Years: Looking Back... and Ahead

Wow. I can't believe it. I'm 40 years old today. I don't feel any different, but somehow I feel like my little world has shifted somehow. I'm not depressed; I guess I'm a bit nostalgic. In short, I feel overwhelming blessed and, in all fact, lucky to have experienced so many things in my life.

My parents developed into me a strong sense of confidence that has propelled me from the first day I walked into kindergarten (yes, Mom, I still have the note you gave me that day -- even though I couldn't even read yet!) all the way through today, where I'm in Malaysia of all places with an indescribly amazing wife, undeniably unique intelligent daughters, and a job that is way bigger than I should be allowed to have. But let me be 100% clear -- I think the root of who I am and where I am and how I am is the result of my parents -- both very authentic, yes flawed, but deeply loving. It's made me the person I am now, and believe me -- I could spend days explaining (or trying) how my quirks / strengths / weaknesses / sensitivities find their roots in how I was raised. Cheryl and I have worked with laser-focus to get our parenting right. Time will tell (and I guess it is already...)

Now -- to today, I'd like to blog about something I did today that I think is quite cool. I went on a long run -- nothing unusual for me; for the past 5 years I've become a hack distance runner, and have completed 5 marathons. Today I woke up at 4:15am and ran 20 miles. Thanks to my Nike+ equipped iPod, I knew exactly when I had completed each mile with the friendly voice in my ear over my music. Here's what I decided to do: During each mile I ran, I let my thoughts wander through two specific years of my life. For mile 1, I thought about my 1st and 2nd years. For mile 2, I thought about my 3rd and 4th years, and so on. It was startling to discover what my initial memories were for each two-year segment. For some of the middle years (my late 20s, early 30s, I got kinda confused and had to "think" a bit harder. For my later years, my thoughts were getting fuzzy -- I think it was more due to the 2+ hours of running than lack of memory. Ugh!

Anyhow, I'd like to share what just SOME of my thoughts were for each year. I don't know if this will mean anything to anyone else, but it's raw and it's what was on my mind:

Age 0 (1969-70), Mile 0: Not much memory here, but I was born just 2 months before the US landed on the moon. That's cool to think about. My first house was in Arlington Heights, IL, on Vail St. 1969 was the Cubs collapse and Mets' miracle. Maybe that set the tone for the rest of my lifelong cub "fandom".

Age 1 (1970-71): First birthday. Chris came along this year. Awesome, I have a brother!! We moved into 921 Belmar this year, although Buffalo Grove was a farmland. I must have learned to walk during this period.

Age 2 (1971-72), Mile 1: Not much sticks out. Probably had some fun times with my new brother. We shared the front room of 921 with the best bunk beds in the world. We were probably embarrassed by all the plaid and polyester our wild parents were wearing at the time.

Age 3 (1972-73): By now, beginning to make neighborhood friends. I wonder if Louie lived next door yet, or if the Landy's were in 911 yet. Chris and I were still the only grandkids, so I'm sure our Christmas loot was mind boggling. I think Aunt Gail worked at Puppy Palace right about now.

Age 4 (1973-74), Mile 2: Getting all our shoes for free from Grandpa Broscovak was probably the name of the game now. Also, Dad probably worked at City Products in Des Plaines about now. I can imagine that as a Dad of two boys while in his early 20s, he felt a huge sense of responsibility to provide. I believe that he did -- despite lack of college degree, he found something he could do well, and did it. That's what responsibility is. I believe that he humbled himself (having been an aspiring musician a few years earlier) in order to provide for his family. Simply put, he matured beyond his years to do what had to be done. THIS has made its way into my philosophy. Once you're a parent, it's not about YOU anymore -- it's about your kids, and that means sucking it up and providing: not just financially, but spiritually, relationally, and emotionally.

Age 5 (74-75): I think I started kindergarten here. I remember getting in trouble for painting the floors at Willow Grove. I'm still in contact with many of my friends from this period (facebook is a mind-boggling technology). Camping started about now. We went to some great places, started by tent, then graduated later to pop-up trailer. I had a happy childhood. Loved playing, going to Grandparents' houses (train set in AH). Lil' Phil came along right about now too. Awesome -- a cousin.

Age 6 (75-76), Mile 3: First Cub game. Mid-70s Cub teams "struggled" a lot. Wasn't yet a fan, but these were my formative Cub years. I remember writing a letter to President Ford. He (or his staff) actually wrote back, and I still have that letter too.

Age 7 (76-77): Camping during the Bicentennial. My family and the Peszats were camp-a-holics. I think we spent half this year in Wisconsin, wearing cutoff shorts, red-white-and-blue shirts, and having fun. Became a Christian in March 1977. Still remember the decision vividly. This kind of thing has to happen on purpose, not by virtue of "going to church".

Age 8 (77-78), Mile 4: Definitely became a Cub fan this year. I had the 1977 team photo on my wall. My favorite players from 1977: Ivan DeJesus, Rick Reuschel, Steve Ontiveros, Dave Kingman.

Age 9 (78-79): This was my FIRST year at Lake Geneva Youth Camp: 1978! My father was becoming involved in church leadership at this time, as was Mom. I think this is when our church adopted a Vietnamese refugee family. My first real experiences of how to live out compassion by DOING. Mom and Dad shaped me. Katie born this year!

Age 10 (79-80), Mile 5: The Iran hostage crisis sticks out in my mind. Whoa. Scary. Winter 1980: I remember where I was when Team USA beat the USSR in Olympic hockey (Harshaw's house). I saw the game, and remember the mania. Then USA won the gold medal game to finish the Miracle on Ice. Unbelievable.

Age 11 (80-81): I remember the election of Ronald Reagan in Nov 80, by landslide, something like 489-49 electoral votes (someone look it up and see if I'm right). March '81 was when Reagan was shot. I remember this too. I got my first real job this year: Newspaper Carrier for the Daily Herald. 365 days/yr delivery for about $20-25 week in pay. I did this for five years. Not a bad way to develop responsibility in a young kid.

Age 12 (81-82), Mile 6: Not much to recall here. 7th grade at Twin Groves. Jazz band. Ugly glasses.

Age 13 (82-83): The end of this year featured a trip to Cubs Spring Training with my dad. Mesa, Arizona. I met Ryne Sandberg there -- got his autograph. This was also the time when I was a Pac Man geek and Rubik's Cube geek -- all wrapped up in one. Heaven help me. We also kept doing a ton of camping. Family bonding galore. Lost my first family member (Grandpa Boncimino) this year. New emotions -- pain, grief.

Age 14 (83-84), Mile 7: Graduated jr high school, entered Stevenson High School. Loved high school from day one. Entered a national math exam (series of 6 tests) and came in first place in nation with 6 perfect scores. Couple of cool medals to show for it. Loved marching band, jazz ensemble, pit orchestra, pep band, honor band. Great friends.

Age 15 (84-85): Cubs win National League East! Cubs choke in NLCS after going up 2 games to 0 against Padres, then lose last 3. I cried. Also, went to Copenhagen, Denmark with marching band and LOVED it. Learned how to play tuba for the trip because they needed players. Started working at Gazebo restaurant in spring 1985. One of my favorite movies ever came out: Back to the Future! Loved Huey Louis and the News. SADLY this is also when my parents' marriage began to fail. Pain unlike I had ever experienced. Learned how to forgive and move forward. Laurie born this year.

Age 16 (85-86), Mile 8: Got my drivers' license on my birthday. Had already purchased and fixed up my own car, a 76 Honda Civic. Uncle Buzz and I had done the body and paint. Uncle Phil and I had reworked the engine. My insurance cost twice as much as the car. My parents made me pay all of this (car, insurance, gas), and I fully agree with that philosophy. Again, great lessons in responsibility and management. My friendship with Jim Baumstark was now to "best friend" level. We spent so much time together, it was stupid. We worked together, ran together, did geeky two-person math team together, and more. Awesome lifelong friend!

Age 17 (86-87): Great summer of working at Gazebo. Went on bike camping trip with Ben Nesbeitt to Wisconsin. Super involved in youth group leadership through Campus Life. Senior year of high school. Fun fun fun. Got Chicken Pox in my senior year of HS, one month before graduation. Accepted into Rice University during spring 1987. Named Salutatorian of HS class; gave speech at graduation. I spoke about the meaning of success, and still believe every word I spoke that day (June 7, 1987).

Age 18 (87-88), Mile 9: Two Words: Met Cheryl. I met my future bride in Aug 1987. My life has not been the same. Other than being a follower of Jesus, my relationship with my wife is my most prized possession, and something I could not have ever deserved. Moved to Texas. Started college at Rice. Joined MOB (Marching Owl Band). Joined Campus Crusade. Learned how to live independently. Made more friends!

** OK this is waaaaayyyy too long. I'm so sorry......

Age 19 (88-89): Summer in Myrtle Beach, SC on CCC project. Sophomore year at Rice. Switch major from civil engineering to mechanical engineering.

Age 20 (89-90), Mile 10: Got married to the love of my life. Now, about to celebrate 20th anniversary. Guess we proved the naysayers wrong. Wouldn't "recommend" getting married so early, but maturity is a personal thing. Also need to have a definition of love and commitment that is NOT seen on TV. If you "get" that, you've got half the battle won. Ashley born in Jan 1990. Beginning of another life phase: parenting! (Cubs in playoffs '89, but collapsed again -- this time to Giants)

Age 21 (90-91): Senior year at Rice. Big project: 4 degree-of-freedom robotic wrist with NASA. First "real" job: engineer for Amoco Production Company. $37k salary seemed like more money than we could ever spend. (ha!) First apartment: Cypress, Texas.

Age 22 (91-92), Mile 11: Brooke born! Began life as family of four. Started WoodsEdge church with some great friends.

Age 23 (92-93): Switched companies, and started life with Solar Turbines (still work for Solar today). Bought our first house: Woodlands, Texas. Kind of cool to have your first mortgage at age 23. Again. lessons in financial responsibility...

Age 24 (93-94), Mile 12: Heavily involved with WoodsEdge -- getting that church off the ground. Life is filled with the joy of raising our two girlies. We had a blast (hopefully they did too!)

Age 25 (94-95): Ashley enters kindergarten at Hailey Elementary. We end up only keeping her in public school for one year.

Age 26 (95-96), Mile 13: Our first year of home schooling! We teach Ash & Brooke at home for six years -- a GREAT decision. Cheryl taught them both to read, to do math, to appreciate reading over TV-watching. Chris & Christa got married, and thus began another chapter for another Boncimino family.

Age 27 (96-97): Transition year. ALMOST was given job at Willow Creek in Promiseland, then ultimately accepted job transfer to San Diego (with Solar Turbines) in April 97. Sold our first house, then opened up shop with our second house in La Mesa, California.

Age 28 (97-98), Mile 14: Aunt Lin dies. Unlike loss of my grandfather in 1982, this loss was sudden and unexpected. Gave us our first chance to draw together as a family amidst a sea of grief. We make it through. Fall of 1997: went camping around Lake Michigan. Several sweet final memories with my father.

Age 29 (98-99): My father dies. Again, sudden and unexpected. Life lessons on what matters most begin to seep through me. The result is in my next year....

Age 30 (99-00), Mile 15: We realize the need to be closer to family. I quit my great job, decide to go to work for an energy-consultant start-up in Chicago. We sell a house, and then buy our third one: Arlington Heights, IL (about a 1/2 mile from my very first one!). Changed jobs AGAIN in Jan 2000 to Sargent & Lundy engineers. Fun to take train to city each day. Joined Willow Creek as volunteer.

Age 31 (00-01): More change: Quit S&L job, joined staff of Willow Creek as a Tech Director. Chapter 2 / Willow's 25th Anniversary. Fun. Still home schooling.

Age 32 (01-02), Mile 16: 9/11 happens and our view of the world shifts. By Spring of 2002, I am burning out due to keeping 2 jobs to support the family. We decide to leave Willow and return to Solar Turbines. Move to Texas. Sold third house, and bought fourth: Cypress, Texas. Loved the new neighborhood.

Age 33 (02-03): We enter the girls in public school. Again, a solid decision which was right for us. stumbled through 2 different churches before landing on the one that "fit": Cy Fair Christian. I start cycling, and completed my first of four MS150 rides, along with several 100-milers.

Age 34 (03-04), Mile 17: (The run is making me delirious by now... not many thoughts) More work with Solar. Support for the girls. Ash plays cello. Brooke later picks up trombone. I begin MBA program at Univ of Texas (online).

Age 35 (04-05): Cheryl and I begin running, and decide to enter the 2005 Houston Marathon. We finished it together in just over 5 hours. Yay us. BUT..... the major event of this year was the sudden, tragic, heart churning loss of my dear sister, Laurie. Deepest pain I've ever experienced. Most levels of grief I've ever had to sort through. We made it through. I started this blog to put my thoughts into words. Read it back if you'd like.

Age 36 (05-06), Mile 18: I complete my 1st triathlon (Dallas), 4th MS150 cycle ride (Houston to Austin) and my 2nd Houston Marathon. Earned my MBA from Univ of Texas in May 06. In Spring, we decide to accept job relocation to Malaysia!

Age 37 (06-07): Life in wild, developing, different, culturally rich Malaysia! Girls enter the International School of Kuala Lumpur (ISKL) with kids from 50 other countries. Cheryl starts her degree program at International College of Music (ICOM). I travel between countries as often as I change my clothes. I finish the Singapore Marathon in Dec 06.

Age 38 (07-08), Mile 19: First home leave reminds us how different our life in Asia is. We've changed into global citizens in many respects. Girls learn how the rest of the world sees the USA, and this matters immensely. I finish the Sydney Marathon in Sept 07. Girls' field trip to Italy in Spring 08. We go along for the ride. Turns out to be unforgettable. We all love Italy!

Age 39 (08-09): I finish the Sundown Marathon in Singapore (run at night!). Ashley graduates HS, and gets accepted into Northwestern University as journalism major. NU is top 20 in USA. Proud parents. We all go to US in Sept to get her moved in. Many tears. One is out of the nest. I run for, and win, a seat on the Board of Directors at ISKL. Serving on the Board has been a great development role for me. Gave my first message at church in Feb (Greg can preach??); went well.

Age 40 (09---), Mile 20: Here I am. About to help get daughter number to into her college of choice. Supporting my dear wife as she works through her degree program. Beginning to look ahead to my next job assignment (could be Europe, could be Singapore, could be USA, we just don't know).

**** OK, so this went on far longer than I had thought. I am sorry if this has bored my 3 readers. I think this look back was more for me than for anyone else in the sense that I count myself blessed as I review this thing called my life. I have left out so much. I don't mean for this to be a biography -- more like a series of snapshots. All through it, there is a thread that God is in control. There have been achievements and failures. Celebrations and deep losses. I am in many ways the product of all that. I'm still not proud of my tendencies to fail and to (still) say things I later regret. I'm still learning. I have fears that shake me, and hopes that drive me. I want to be humbler and more loving. I want to be a better friend, husband, and father. I want to change lives and help the world. I want to continue to live every day with thanksgiving. I do not know when my last will be; that's not for me to decide. SO, I press on.

greg