Brokenhearted

OK. What is it about being in pain that just hurts so much? Why do we use the word "broken" to describe how our insides feel? To me, the word broken falls far short of describing what is going on inside me. How about smashed, crushed, flattened?

Even with all this pain, the funny thing is that I know God is right here. He is the glue. He will miraculously pick up all the pulverized pieces of my heart and somehow re-assemble them. And if past experience is any indication, He'll actually find a better configuration than before. Maybe that's why people axiomatically state that being broken before the Lord is the best place to be. "In my weakness He is strong."

I know God is in the room. However, immediately I am in pieces. I think it's OK to be in this state, but I know it is not permanent. My beautiful family will eventually require that I once again get up and lead. I know I didn't lead so well in the last couple of rounds, but perhaps God will work in me anew and restore life -- a seasoning I have been lacking. I will pray.

The verse I am clinging onto is Psalm 34:18, "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." I am broken and I am crushed -- now is the time for a close, nearby God. He will be my glue.