A thought that I have been pondering lately is whether I have permission to BE how I want to be without worrying what others think. Sounds very basic, I know. However, last week when I was describing my recent activities at our grief support group, one participant asked me if I felt I was "running" from my grief. The question took me by surprise.
Though well intentioned, the question poses an assertion that I'm not "doing grief right". I responded to the question, of course, but later it occurred to me that I am not feeling very free to BE me. Seems like if I am happy for too long, I might be "running" from grief. If I'm down for too long, I might be "over dramatic". If I'm angry for too long, I might be "harboring bitterness".
Whew. A lot to handle. Well, I brought this up before my counselor on Friday morning. She validated my thoughts -- No one has a right to say what IS and what IS NOT appropriate grieving. It meant a ton for me to hear that. It's a struggle for me. I want to be completely true to grieving the loss of Laurie, but at the same time I want to be authentically joyful (about other things) if that is how I'm feeling.
So, I feel relief. The "Grieving a Suicide" book is immensely helpful. I highly recommend it. I'm now learning a whole lot more about the inadequacies of the "why" question -- and how to focus my mind and thoughts in more useful ways. Amazing.
greg
P.S. Our girls are doing so well. School ends in 10 days, and it's time for the awards banquets, spring concerts, and Astroworld trips. Each time I turn around, I find myself marveling at their maturity, their accomplishments, their uniqueness, and their wiring. Cheryl and I are blessed parents.
P.P.S. We're planning our trip for National History Day (Washington, DC; June 12-16) right now. The awards presentation will be webcast LIVE, so tune in on June 16th to see if Brooke and her team win Nationals!! Any recommendations on DC-area attractions (besides the obvious ones) would be great! We already bought tickets for the Orioles-Astros game on Tues June 14th!
1 comment:
Greg,
I hear your heart on how you are grieving. It is a struggle to be constantly thinking if you are going about it right or wrong or at all. Keep plowing through it YOUR way, not how anyone else thinks, hints or tells you to do it.
And Ashley and Brooke are so amazing; must be that their amazing parents had a hand in that!
Love, Mom
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