I was thinking today about one of the very first blog entries I ever made (March 16, 2005 -- you can look it up). In that entry I saw myself as shattered into many pieces, and wondered how God would glue them all back together. I read that entry over again this morning. What faith I had at that point, just days after the trauma had exploded into our lives. Did I really believe it to be possible?
Today, it is almost four months later. I feel "mostly" glued back together. There still are some piceces that are a bit crooked, and some that still need to be worked back into "who I am". But, the good news is that -- by and large -- I think God has been doing something incredible.
And it's not just me that I see being glued back together well. I see my mother coming back together. I see Chris and Katie coming together with great progress. Pete and Kristin are moving along. Cheryl and my girls seem to be adjusting positively to life without Laurie. Christa, Tommy -- it seems to be working.
Sadly, those I see still having the most trouble are the ones without a real relationship with God. As I've written before, you have to have real hope to get through this. Real hope goes beyond what happens right here on this globe. I still can't imagine trying to survive suicide without a foundation built on a relationship with someone above. That, to me, would be miserable. I still can pray, though, that those around us can see the difference that knowing God means. I don't care about religion -- I'm not talking about that at all. This is not "going to church", "reading a Bible", or "putting on that happy face". This is actually truly knowing who is in charge, knowing what HE thinks, and then trusting. That's how I faced the news cameras in March, and that's how I got up this morning. It's not real tough once you've made the choice.
So, I know my nose still needs to be straighter. I know the shattered pieces are not all back in place yet. I need to learn how to lead and support my family better. I need (and want) to be a closer, friendlier dad for my kids. I need (and want) to be a more sensitive, patient, and caring husband for my wife. I need to become a better friend to those nearest me. The glue isn't dry yet, and God has not taken off his gloves. I'm a work in progress, so be patient with me.
greg
Psalm 34:18, "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."
2 comments:
i liked this post. it addressed an issue that i have been dealing with for quite some time. i have noticed that those who 'believe' are coping better than those who don't. i just don't understand. trust what? how to believe?
i was glad to read what you posted cause I thought it was just me who noticed that.
Greg,
Thanks for putting into words thoughts that have spun around in my head for four months. Thank you also for making the distintion between religion, and a personal relationship with God.
I love you cousin!
Mandy
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