Although most of my thoughts today are with what's going on at LGYC, I have returned several times to the simple sounding statement that "Death is part of life." Sure, I've heard this statement a lot of times, paused, and then moved on. Didn't really have much impact to me. Even when my dad died seven years ago, I managed to get through that grief without hitting rock bottom.
This time it's been completely different. I have hit a rocky and difficult bottom. I, for once, reached the end of the proverbial rope, and had to play the only card I know to play in such times -- I chose to lead our family in looking to God, for some shred of hope and encouragement in otherwise total darkness. Lucky for us -- that "end of the rope" had a knot in it, and I can honestly say that faith got us through -- even though it was an angry / upset / furious / confused / reluctant / heartbroken faith.
So, now I think I am coming to grips with the fact that the statement is not trite. It's truth. Death is part of what it means to be alive. We all WILL experience the loss of others. Some losses we will see coming; others will be surprising; and still others will hit us with such unexpected shock and force that we will not know what hit us. The common denominator is that death is a given in life. We can believe we will dodge it, but we can't (in fact, that's denial).
When I consider the loss of my sister (at least for today), I take a long steady deep breath. I pause. I despise the fact that we're here. I close my eyes. I think. But, then a change -- I recognize that this is how life has to work. I shake my head, but comply. I notice that I'm not asking "why" anymore (at least for today). I sense the hope that I still have, and the optimism that I still have. I know that I must press on, and that more is ahead. I'm OK with that.
Despite how unfair it may seem, how ill-timed it may occur, and how brutal it may feel, death is part of life. Doesn't make it feel one bit better. But somehow I gain perspective through this journey. And have the strength to walk on.
greg
(written tonight from Atlanta, Georgia)
2 comments:
Greg,
I am taking a break right now from set-up at the Summit. Time to read your blog. It is breath taking. Yes, death is a part of life and I am realizing that more and more. I just stood in the elevator and breathed out with the stark realization that Laurie will not be there when we get home. Yet, we will go home and our life will go on...I know that each day is a gift. And you are a gift. Love, Mom
God bless you Greg. I don't know what Laurie would be thinking as she read your blog but I cannot help but think she would be happy you have found just a little bit of peace.
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