One Month

Exactly one month and six hours ago, the BG police dept brought us the pages of Laurie's letter that would define the very beginning of the rest of our life. The awful words, the shakiness of my hands, the inability to hug my mom hard enough, the attempt to make my mind work under conditions never experienced before.

What did we do first? What was the first thing we did after the officers left? We became a human bundle and collectively cried to God - literally - and told Him that we were going to do this by clinging to Him and looking only to Him. That's the only thing my brain could tell me to do. Not freak out, not panic, not shut down. All the years of learning what faith meant had come down to one simple response - seek God and God only.

Not that profound, huh? Sunday school at Arlington and Alpine, years of LGYC, countless Bible studies, annual retreats, Campus Crusade, on staff at Willow, doing the OTC -- you name it. The thing we did in the pit of one of the most awful moments in life was to tell God that He was the only game in town. Somehow that was enough for me. Your faith, religion, world view, life perspective -- it's only of value if it can support you when you literally have nothing else.

One month ago, March 5th, is Laurie's official date of death. However, she really died on March 2nd. For three days, only God really knew "where she was" (with Him!). While we didn't know -- He did. That's why we talk to Him when we pray. For God, there is no mystery, no missing person. When he allowed us to finally know Laurie's whereabouts on March 5th, all we could do is look back to Him. Confused dazed and stunned, but trusting -- just the way a one month old trusts his/her parents.

One month down and I'm still trusting the only One I really know.